Weakness and Technical Details, or How It's Done
Moscow Ringroad
Bottom pair are mine.To this point I've told you about exactly what I'm doing, and I intend to keep you intimately posted with most of my thoughts and actions, even in matters of potential failure, but still I haven't told you about exactly how I have chosen to begin this doubtlessly interesting task.

There are various ways to break up: Some smokers coming to the same conclusion concerning choice of a new path just quit; others take small steps and allow the occasional failure (for some people that's quite all right, as long as they don't lose their way), whilst others allow more failures than progress just because their decision is not thorough and they haven't managed to convince themselves of... I'm not going to use the words that it's the right decision to make because I'm not interested in telling others what's right and what's wrong.

I truly wish I could say I was one of those who just quit never to ever again get re-acquainted with the substances, but I'm not as I simply am not willing to go through those initial first days of physical torment just to then be forced to deal with the even more craving task of learning to stay away from the poison, when I'm all too well familiar with my ways and how my brain works: For me, the mental addiction is far more intense and persistent than the physical addiction could ever become, and therefore I must do it the other way around. If  first clearing my mind from the cravings, impulses and well etched routines and factors of association I will be more than ready to deal with the physical ordeals that will, presumably inevitably, follow. I romanticize this thought; it would be the final climax; the definite break up after a long and complicated relationship, and after that you're finally free.

To make it all easier for myself, I'm using nicotine patches in order to be able to focus on other things than feeding the addiction by actual action; I will learn not to think of cigarettes. That is my strategy and the hardest part. The rest will be easy.

I have now used the patches for two days and this far, the patches have been doing a pretty good job, spare for leaving red squares on my skin [and potential bi-effects that may or may not show up], so what's left is to continue to discover and disarm, are all those moments of impulses when I would normally have lit up: When waiting for the bus. When being hungry two hours before lunch time. When getting off a plane or a train, when having a beer (or a few) or when having a cup of coffee in my own kitchen. There are probably more of these moments that needs to be discovered.
- Smoking is nothing you think of; it's just something you do. It's when you don't do it that you think of it.

I don't want to think of it even when not doing it.


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